Pincocks

For Christmas this year I helped organize this gift for my parents. I saw it on someone's blog last year and knew immediately I wanted to do this! It's such a cute idea! Every year I put together "grandkids" calenders for my parents and Rob's parents - they love them but it's no surprise anymore. So! I saw this and realized we have 7 kids that would perfectly spell out PINCOCK and knew we had to do it!

They were SO surprised and loved it!

So we asked everyone to dress in dark colors and take the pictures outside so they'd look similar. Then we made them all b&w to add even more uniformity. For the letters we used large white posterboard - taking up as much of it to make each letter as we could. It helped that Ness happened to be in UT for the weekend and I had her help me make all our letters! :)

Here's where I got the idea from.

Thanks for caring

I feel so loved from all of you who've commented, texted, facebooked.... thank you. I'm sorry I made you guys all wait in suspense with me to just once again be let down. :( Luckily not every cycle is like this one... most I can get through without too much wondering about it. Otherwise these last almost three years would've KILLED me.

I don't know how you ladies who are TTC and have long, irregular cycles do it! I've taken for granted my super regular cycles and even the fact they are so short (26 days usually) means it's over and we try again right away... So I can't imagine every cycle going through this long uncertain phase... so emotionally draining...

I just had really really wanted this to be it - the idea of not having to go through doing more fertility stuff was so exciting! I don't want to do invitro, I don't want to figure it out, I don't want to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on it.... ahhhh! But I do want to have another baby. Just one more! Or if we did IVF and got 2 or 3 ok! I just want one more baby and then I won't even ask for another one! Just one sibling for Robby. One more kid. And I don't know why but adoption doesn't feel like the answer for us - at least not right now.

Anyways! Thank you guys for being so supportive and for caring!

One day I'll have good news! I promise!

Sad day - but not what you think

Today was a sad day! No, I didn't get my period still but the test I took this morning was totally negative so the fact that I'm 2 days late for me still makes me feel like it'll show up any minute since I feel like it would've had at least a faint positive! So I'm going to try to take my temp tomorrow which should give me a heads up and take another test... I'll keep you posted...

BUT! It was a sad day because today Robby said coyote. Not, coyoNe. He said it this morning and Rob and I just looked at each other like, "oh no!" It's one of Rob's favorite little Robby voice things he says... so I took a little video of him saying his new big boy version of coyote.

Seriously, can he stop growing up??? And then this is just him telling me about his dream...

Robby is hilarious... we were watching Baby Lily today and Robby was dancing around in front of her and trying to tell her jokes ("Knock knock... mom, she's not laughing... what kind of jokes do babies like??") and I suggested he tell her a story so he told her The Three Little Pigs. His first version was short and adorable... something about how then the pig put a pot of milk and syrup and the wolf came down and he ate him up.... but later today I told him I'd write his story while he told it to me.... so for his records:

"Once upon a time there lived three little pigs. And a big bad wolf came up to their houses and one minute ago the big bad wolf thought they were hens, i mean grass, so the big bad wolf though he could eat them. And so they went the pigs went out for a little walk. And they saw the big bad wolf on the way to their mommy and daddy's house. And maybe I think they just lived alone in their own houses. And so they went out for a long long walk through the woods and they lost their maps on the way to the woods. So they couldn't find anything they wanted to find. The map said everything they wanted to find and they only wanted to find like keys and old stuff so oh yeah. And on the way on the next walk they believed that they were going the wrong way soon on the way to their woods. And so they met that anything they could hope for could go and the maps came finally and they thanked Heavenly Father for helping them find their maps and also they, the big bad wolf, and Heavenly Father helped the three little pigs kill the big bad wolf because Heavenly Father wasn't interested for the wolf to stay up cause it was not good."
--by Robby

So grateful for this awesome little guy....

Me oversharing - what's new?

Again, I don't blog very often because what I feel like blogging/talking about I feel like not everyone wants to hear about all the time... but you know what? Sometimes writing about this on my blog gives me a little bit of release - like sending these thoughts and feelings out there into the world for all you people to see just takes some of the pressure... the heaviness... out of my heart.

So, if you're not interested in the oversharing-ness that is me SKIP THIS POST.

I'm late. I'm just one day "late." As in, I usually start on day 26 and today's day 27 and still nothing. Obviously a normal cycle is an average of 28 days, great, sure, but for the last year I get my period on day 26. Ok. Normally I would not even give this a second thought, I don't let myself even *think* about maybe being pregnant because guess what, I never am! The combination of patience and my handy dandy basal thermometer = not having to waste money on pointless HPTs (home pregnancy tests) because my period without fail always shows up.

Every couple of months.... every now and then... like today... I let myself start wondering if I *could* be pregnant. Sure, the dr recommends in-vitro w/icsi and we haven't done any fertility meds or anything since last year but I have gotten pregnant twice on my own so it IS possible. I told a friend of mine I wanted to go buy some pregnancy tests because I was actually letting myself wonder if I could be pregnant to which she said something like, "there's no harm in that" or whatever...

But, oh, there is. When I don't even let myself think about it, don't consider it an option, when I just expect and then get my period it isn't hard. Well, it is, but I'm used to that feeling. What I'm not used to is this little sensation of hope or wonderment and then when those hopes get smashed it's awful.

But you have to go with your feelings and so I'll waste money on pregnancy tests and probably get my period an hour later and it'll go on...

Or I could be pregnant! *ha, there it is again! I almost just want to say to that thought, "GO AWAY. You are NOT HELPING."

And let me clarify - I do believe that one day I'll be pregnant again. And I know it *could* happen on it's own so that is a real option. We pray every day to have a baby (or Quattro who prays for 3 babies now) and I have faith that one day we'll have a baby. I don't know how to explain this... in the long term I'm hopeful.... Overall I'm happy and have a wonderful life but sometimes these moments are just painful and HARD.

I think it'd be easier to not think about it each month and one day be a happy surprise! All of us TTC'ers out there have heard, "if you just stopping thinking about it it will happen." After I punch those people in the face I'd like to ask them how do they suggest not thinking about something like that? Because even when I do my best to surround myself with other things, distract myself... you never don't have this in the back of your head....

Thank you for letting me take a little of the load off of my shoulders - even if no one reads this I feel better. Sorry this is one of the "darker" posts on this topic in my life - I promise I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me and all of that so please don't feel like you need to tell me that. I'm just sharing my thoughts and frustrations while I'm on this journey!

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And something to cheer me up and a happier topic! My distraction for the last month has been getting more healthy/losing some weight and while I didn't really seem to see much of a difference when I looked in the mirror here are some kind of modest before and after pics that made me happy...

Do you like how the before is your classic, I look so blah and just kind of gross - not that the after I'm glammed up or anything but what is with that expression on my face? Ha. And apparently Rob did not think I would've lost weight in my calves and therefore they did not need to be photographed... ;)

Yes this is kind of a lot of oversharing today, huh? Sorry folks! Don't say I didn't warn you! ;)

Five Guys... and more...

"Mom, can we go to Five Guys today?"

"Um, what? Why do you want to go to Five Guys?"

"Cause they have lots of peanuts."

"Oh, well mommy is on a diet right now and I can't eat that food so we can't go there today but we will sometime soon, ok?"

"Well, you can just bring your own food there and I will eat."

Oh. OK. It's no surprise he likes to eat out... we are so alike.... and yes, I wish we could go to five guys. Mmm.... cheeseburger....

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Robby is so good at always remembering to pray for a baby - when I asked him to say the opening prayer for Primary he was like, "ok, yeah, and I'll bless for a baby..." I tried to explain we didn't have to pray for a baby when we were in big groups and everything but he couldn't really see my logic...

And lately praying for A baby isn't good enough - he's been praying for 3 babies! A boy baby for him to play with, a boy for daddy to play with, and a girl baby for mommy to play with.... sounds like a good idea but triplets would not be my ideal. But like I tell him, we're not going to be picky...

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When we went shooting with Rob one day.... Robby sure knows how to strike a pose! :)



I just want to bite his cute little cheeks!


Today (my birthday) Robby tried to let me rest for a little longer after Rob left for work. When I was up and getting out of the shower he said, "Daddy told me to call him when you got out of the shower."

okaaaayyyy.... so he called Rob and they were having a discussion about what to get me for my birthday. It was so cute. Robby was so excited and he said, "Don't histen, mom! Don't histen."

He just looked so grown up - he knows how to call Rob from my phone and loves to do it. Later in the afternoon he wanted to call dad to find out what he'd ended up getting me... just takes my phone and calls his dad... so cute.

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He put on his button up shirt and tie and came up to me and said, "Mom! I'm going visiting teaching. Now I just need a hesson..." (lesson)

Robby is just so hilarious and makes me laugh with all the crazy stuff he says like when he tips his head to the side and raises his eyebrows and says, "not at all" or "don't hook mom... don't hook till I tell you to..." um... that always means he's trying to do something tricky. I think he really thinks I won't know/notice what he's doing if he tells me not to look, or "hook".

He likes to send emails to Rob while he's at work... I let him type random letters on the keyboard and then I transcribe what he says. This was his last one:

"i hove you we hike you i wish you could be home today and i wanna go to target with you but if you're not here i wouldn't hike to do that but i need to go to target with mommy so i wish i could see you bye.

from robby

robby

i love you daddy

i hove you dad. i couldn't have known what you done can you tell me what you have done i mean can you tell me what you are doing and what you were doing and then can you write a message and tell me that on i love you robby bye"

And this was his to me that Rob typed for him while I was at a meeting on Sunday:

",lollll;llkkllllkopkgkckjkjhhnryyftuuh7q5ghhgugdhttgtgyguyujdyyuguigusyuiuyu

I hove you and Jackson is the one with 5 many dollyers. I hove you. That means go up in the mountains. I hove you and I wish you could stay here and go with us and have fun and watch us do kawatee and you wouldn't see the price that you have been living on is a baby. "

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Basically, I just love my little Robby. He is awesome and we are so lucky to have him.

busy busy busy...

Where has this month gone? I feel like I'm so busy! Rob and I spent a week babysitting for Rob's Aunt & Uncle (their 5 kids) last week... and now my mom is out here visiting which is always great! And what's taken up tons of my brain power this month has been working on getting in shape, losing some weight... it's been a nice break from focusing so much on trying to get pregnant. Turns out this whole "eating healthy" thing is so new to me it's taking a lot of planning and preparing. And will power. And primary always keeps me busy too... new year, lots of new changes there.

Anyway I don't know when I stopped finding time/desire to blog. I haven't taken as many pictures and I feel like without pictures you can't blog. I've taken some cute videos with my little video camera and I should upload those and post them for all of you Quattro fans out there....

Maybe next week I'll have something more interesting to post about! Like my birthday on Monday! :)

The Holidays...

We had such an awesome Christmas and New Years! We've been too busy enjoying it to blog about it I guess... now that life has slowed down a little bit and we're starting to get back to normal... except this crazy diet/New Years resolution stuff.... oh well!

Christmas Eve we visited grandparents with Andrew & Becca and Amy & Nathan...

We were shooting for 3 for 3 but Gran had laryngitis that day... we're lucky to have so many wonderful grandparents here in Utah!

Christmas Eve afternoon we went to see the reindeer at Thanksgiving Point... they weren't in their usual spot so we had to track them down... when Rob went in to ask the lady inside where they were she slyly told him, "They're helping Santa today!!" Yeah right lady... where are they? It was kind of funny...

Christmas Eve... new jammies per Rob's request (his family's tradition)... then Rob and I watched The Holiday while we wrapped presents and got Christmas ready...

We let Robby open his present from Uncle Daniel - it was a monkey from Build A Bear complete with a blue and white "Byu-ish" jersey outfit and a little jacket that said "Quattro" on it.... It is the cutest thing ever! Robby LOVED it. He looked at it and said, "0-0... he must be a mascot, like Cosmo." Apparently Cosmo's number is 00... who would've noticed that??? He's so crazy observant... he took monkey Quattro to bed with him and the next day that was the one toy he picked to bring over to Andrew & Becca's.

We hung lights across the hallway with "do not enter" signs - we had told him, "In the morning, don't go in the living room without mommy and daddy! We'll put signs up to help you remember!" And little mister smarty pants said, "Well, I can't read so I won't know what the signs say..." like so of course I can still go in the living room... he's so funny!

Opened some presents and then had a yummy Christmas breakfast! Complete with MaryAnn's cinnamon rolls - made by Becca and her lovely assistant, Rob. ;)

He loved that he could read his name on the presents... and when he opened this one (Playmobil Knights & Castle) he was so excited it was so cute!!

Had a lovely Christmas dinner of Cafe Rio Pork salads at A&B's....

And apparently took no other pictures from Christmas.... except on the new little video camera (it's like a Flip camera but it's called Bloggie) Rob gave me for Christmas! Videos may be posted soon...

***NEW YEARS!***

Not really having any energy to plan a party or anything we kind of all just gathered randomly and enjoyed a fun low key evening! Frozen pizzas and treats...

We did a "kids countdown" early - thank you, youtube - before they went to bed!

So glad I have such great friends & family around here to celebrate with!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year! :)

Gymnastics Recital

Robby had a gymnastics recital last night which was so adorable! We've been sick all week so I was really hoping he wouldn't miss it. He was doing ok yesterday so we decided to just go for it. He had such a great time showing off his "cool tricks" to everyone. He was even lucky enough to have his best little buds, Liv's kids, show up to cheer him on!

The three little kids are Robby's preschool class and then there were three big kids were an older class she had. I love how in this picture Annie is whispering to Quattro... they had so much fun being in the same class together!

Balancing on the beam...


Warming up... doing some bridges...



Doing his little donkey kicks... this is how they learn to do handstands. Now he can balance on his hands a second and he'll go all the way over and kind of land on his back... and do handstands against the wall... it's neat to watch them get better at the things they're learning.



Bridge meltdowns on the cheese mat...

So proud of our little guy!

With his best buddies!!!

Now gymnastics is over... Miss Kandice is going to have a baby and is taking a break from teaching... anyone have any other ideas for a fun, not expensive activity like this for Quattro? Annie's going to do a little ballet class and while I'm sure he would LOVE doing that too Rob is putting his foot down on that one... and everything else seems too expensive or too intense... ideas?

Grateful

I know I haven't been blogging as much lately... sometimes my heart and mind are just so full with deeper thoughts that it's difficult to not share so at the risk of constantly oversharing I think I've just not written anything... does that make sense? So here's just a few thoughts because my heart is overflowing and I need to get some things out...

I'm grateful for Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful time surrounded by family and good food.

I'm grateful for Christmas - and the chance to teach Robby about the true meaning of Christmas and in the process remind myself!

I can't NOT be grateful and happy with my life right now. I thank Heavenly Father EVERY DAY for the amazing little boy that I have and wonderful husband and just a great happy life. I can't even believe they are mine and we get to spend each day together! Obviously we are heartbroken and sad and want to have another baby and we pray for that every day... "Please bless for a baby... please bless for a baby brother and a baby sister... please bless that mommy's tummy will get big and pregnant..." It breaks but warms my heart to hear Robby's sweet pleas to our Father in Heaven.

Sometimes he'll come up to me after he sees me finish praying and ask, "Did Heavenly Father say we could have a baby?" Or if we are going to the temple he asks, "Are you going to get a baby there?" Or when I went to the hospital to be with Liv he asked, "Are you going to get a baby at the hop-is-it-tal?" He can't quite wrap his brain around it. But I know he has faith and he believes that one day he will have a brother or a sister and we do too.

It's just hard... the illusive "one day"... and "somehow".... you want to be doing all that's in your power to move things along and yet being restrained by money and not knowing what's going to work exactly is difficult and frustrating.

But I'm grateful that I know where to look for comfort and guidance and that I am still able to enjoy the NOW... the present... my hilarious son and darling husband. It's weird to feel such a mix of emotions on a daily basis. I know it's because of my faith and my hope that I'm able to fully enjoy each day as it is and I'm so grateful for that.

Happy Birthday to My Handsome Older Man

Happy Birthday darling!

Thanks for being my best friend and such a great dad!

For me it was love at first sight... with your black roller blades and red bandana, I knew you were the guy for me. And I patiently - and not so patiently - waited for you to figure out you wanted to be with me forever too!

In some ways you haven't changed at all in the 16 years I've known you and in some ways you've changed a lot. Like there's no way you could've grown a crazy long beard back then... ;) And you've become Mr. Mountain Gun Man... And your name has changed from Robby to Rob... But constants like football and loving BYU remain. And you will always be my handsome older man!

I love seeing you and Robby together and the dad you have become.... thanks for making me so happy honey! I love you!!!!!!!!! Happy Birthday!!!!

(I woke up from a Sunday nap a few weeks ago to this sight - so adorable!)

Side notes...

Robby and Annie put all the candles on... I gave them a box of 20 and a few more to make 28 candles and they just put all the candles from 2 boxes on.... 14 extra for good luck?? It was quite the fire hazard. :)

And when Rob was opening his gifts Robby was sitting on me and nervously asked me, "Are there any mascots coming???" I assured him there weren't. Except Spiderman. Obviously....

Marie Diane Jeppson

Olivia's sweet mother, Marie, passed away last week... Tuesday morning... After her first stroke in 2001 I know her health has been very bad and life was pretty difficult for her. I've watched over the last 9 years as the roles reversed and Olivia became the care provider for her mother... as an only child and with her parents divorced this became such an important role in Olivia's life! I know we were there to help with the occasional move or cleaning party but for Olivia she saw and served her mom almost daily.

More importantly I know that Olivia loved her mom and now she misses her. To have her mom no longer a 10 minute drive away will take time to adjust to....

I know Marie is in heaven with the ability to run and sing again - our testimonies of the Savior and the plan of salvation have truly carried us this week and I know this knowledge comforts Olivia tremendously.

I'm so grateful for Marie and for her raising the wonderful daughter that is my best friend... I know she will be watching from heaven, smiling down on Olivia with pride.

Gymnastics! And Annie...

Robby has LOVED his gymnastics class! It's once a week for 45 minutes and he looks forward to it all week! His teacher, Miss Kandis, is a former BYU gymnast and is great with the kids. It's only $30/month and it's in Provo.

Robby goes to the "preschool" class. She does a mom and me class for littler kids and it's only $2/class and you can just come when you want! You don't have to pay upfront or commit to a certain amount of time.

I know she still has openings in her classes - check out her blog! http://ilovetotumble.blogspot.com/

And these videos are specifically for Aunt Ness who requested some! :)



It's always easy to tell which one Robby is - he's always in a BYU shirt. (Not to mention there were 2 kids in the class that day... in a different video there were more but I didn't post it) In fact this week he was getting dressed for class, looking through his t-shirt drawer, and pulled one out saying, "I don't think Miss Kandis has seen this BYU shirt before!" Okayyyy.... he's so funny!





Handstands!




It's been so fun to go and watch him enjoy this so much! And he and Annie are so funny together! The dialog between them is always hilarious to listen to...

Annie: Ok, and you're my brother and our parents are dead, right?
Robby: Right. And you're my sister and we're in the car, right?
Annie: Right.

Everything they say they add "right" at the end, like constantly confirming their story with each other.

One time we were at dinner with A&B and kids and Annie didn't want to finish part of her meal and so Quattro started eating it for her and I said, "Robby, don't eat that - one of her brothers might want it, it's their food." And he looks at me all hurt and confused, "But I am one of her brothers!" Oh! It just made my heart hurt! I was like, "Ok, yeah, just eat it..."

They sure are special little friends!




This is like a 2 second video - I didn't know it was on video but they are just too cute and then when I took the picture it was the one above, not quite as cute as the video so I just had to include it...


I'm so grateful that Robby can have such wonderful cousins close by to be like siblings to him.

Childbirth Classes

ATTN: Anyone who is pregnant, even barely pregnant, or knows someone who is pregnant!!!

I just want to let you all know that my darling sister in law, Rebecca, is doing another round of Childbirth Classes!

Tuesdays starting October 12th from 6:30 - 9 pm for 6 weeks
Fee is $150 per couple - this includes materials

I'm so grateful for the awesome example Becca has been to me and I have learned so much from her! I've had the honor to be at 2 of her births and let me tell you, she knows what she's talking about!! :)

I feel sad for people who are scared of childbirth or who have had somewhat negative experiences in the past - there is SO MUCH TO LEARN about pregnancy and labor and delivering a child and it can be such an amazing experience! Educating yourself is the first step to removing any fears and having a positive experience.

Whatever kind of birth you are planning this class covers all kinds of useful information for you!

You can look at her website here and email her at rebecca@gentlebirthchoices.com.

If you know anyone who might be interested pass this on! Thanks!