Trying not to think about it...

I think I've been missing the "therapy" that is writing about what I'm going through...

In other words - SKIP THIS POST if you don't want to hear about trying to get pregnant and all that jazz...

So we did the one cycle of IUI (insemination) and that failed. The day we did the IUI they said the sample we had brought in looked low - low count and low motility... we did the IUI anyway but they suggested we do a full SA the next week. It was stressful waiting those 2 weeks, waiting to find out if the IUI worked, waiting to get the results from Rob's test.

At first I thought I was pregnant because my chest was really sore and then I looked into it and that is one of the main side effects of progesterone which I was taking. Then my temps started to go down and I just had that sinking feeling that I knew my period was going to come. Combine that with then getting the results of Rob's test, over the phone, delivered by a not so smart nurse who said, "Uh, yeah, the count was 5 million so.... um... it looks like the recommendation for you now is to do Invitro with ICSI. Does that sound right?"

I wanted to scream, or cry, and I was just shocked. We went from thinking we'd be spending like $800/cycle to $11,000/cycle for IVF w/ICSI. NO that did NOT "sound right." I was so mad. Flustered. Upset. I got off the phone quickly and just cried.

So basically the result from the SA showed counts so low they recommended not only Invitro which is super expensive but ICSI as well. ICSI is an acronym for intracytoplasmic sperm injection - which is a fancy way of saying "inject sperm in the middle of the egg". This process adds a couple grand to the cost of Invitro.

Anyway this is just really not an option right now, IVF, so I felt kind of deflated. I eventually made an apt to go in for another consultation with Dr. Slater to talk about my options. She walked me through the process of invitro and ICSI and the success rates with that. She also said we could still try IUI which is obviously much cheaper but the chances would be less. We could try taking multiple samples of sperm and combining them and doing IUI like that which might be a good option...

We decided to do a blood test for Rob to make sure his hormones and all that were fine. We were a little concerned because when we had him tested in 2006 when we were trying for Robby his SA came back with great results! It is interesting and helpful to know that apparently that can change over time!! So even if your DH had good levels at one point, there's a chance there could still be a male factor problem.

Rob's blood test came back fine, all normal. Oh yeah, she said if it was because of "stress" then his FSH levels would be low but they were normal. Now we are just trying to figure out where to go from here. Do we try another cycle of IUI even if the odds aren't great because that's more affordable? Do nothing now and save up money for invitro? Or what about the fact we can't even really afford everything we've done so far?? Minor detail.

It's a super busy time for Rob at work so we are trying to just put this on pause right now.

Meanwhile, I apparently am having hysterical pregnancies each month where I randomly feel so sure that I'm pregnant. No really. I've taken 2 pregnancy tests MID CYCLE just because oh my tummy looks so big, or my chest is so sore, or oh this random thing and then I can't get the thought OUT OF MY HEAD. It's like a stupid obsession. I hate it! I don't WANT to think I'm pregnant when I'm not! I don't want to think about but the thoughts just keep coming. It's so annoying.

You want to know something else that is hard? There are SO many random things that other people do right before they got pregnant that are things that you think, oh we should try that but there are SO MANY different things and obviously none of them actually are proven they are more like coincidences and it's just SO HARD to want to do all that you can to improve your chances but I'm already making Rob and I choke down a handful of multi-vitamins and supplements each night and it's just hard to know what else, if anything, we should try. HARD.

Even though this is a trial and even though it's hard I do know that we have so much to be grateful for. I don't need people to tell me it's part of Heavenly Father's plan because I already believe that with all my heart. I just also know He wants us to try our hardest and do all in our power to work for the things we want before He does His part and I feel this is me doing that.

I am happy, I have a great life, the most amazing little boy, wonderful husband...

MARYLAND

We were able to go back home to Maryland to visit both of our families! We spent the first week at Deep Creek Lake with Rob's family and then in Kensington with my family. Rob had to leave before me to get back to UT so he missed out on some of the Pincock fun.

We had such a great time seeing all our family! We missed the beautiful green scenery there, the lake, being so close to the DC temple, some of our favorite food places like Qdoba's and Continentals... but really just being with family was the best!

side note - things we have NOT missed about Maryland: the HUMIDITY & the TRAFFIC!! And for Rob, the gun laws. ;)

I don't envision us moving back there anytime soon but we sure enjoyed the good dose of family time and will need another one soon!

*the Lake*
boat rides, tube rides, waterskiing, barefooting, hot tub, watching movies, getting to see Will & Amanda, kids doing a talent show, naps on the boat, MaryAnn's homemade pancakes and ice cream... we missed Liz & her family! And I can't believe I didn't get more pics of all the bigger/little kids!!! They are all so grown up now!

*Pincock Time!*

staying up late at night, watching SYTYCD, Girls night out... twice, playing at the church gym, laying on Babu's bed, eating lots of ice cream, having my mom put velcro rollers in my hair, visiting Kensington ward, lunch at Lebanese Taverna, going downtown, seeing Grandma Hazel, family Temple Night... but we missed Taba and her family there!

Hopefully one day soon we'll be able to have a reunion where no one is missing. It's impossible these days to get the whole family together - now for both families! But we sure are lucky to be blessed with such great, big, loving families!

Hill Family Reunion

We had a good time attending the Hill Family Reunion last weekend up at Heber Valley Campground. We spent Friday night there in cabins and then spent Saturday doing one of the ropes challenge courses.

**I didn't mention who the Hill Family was! This is Rob's mom's family! So MaryAnn's maiden name was Hill.

Warning: picture overload

Some of the Hill family making treats!

Enjoying smores! He was posing all funny. And thanks Amanda for this awesome fleece, he loves it! :)

Rob was telling stories to Robby and Annie to get ready for bed. Stories about a boy named George which Quattro pronounces "Dordge." After each one ended he would say, "Read me another story about Dordge." How can you say no to that?

Proof I was trying to be a happy camper - despite the lovely woman issues I was having that weekend! Party! Hey, I was happy to be sleeping indoors at least and we weren't freezing cold all night!!

We played this game where we had to swing from one spot to the other... the rope hung between the two places and Rob had to dive out to grab it... I usually hate these kinds of activities but it was actually pretty fun.

Robby couldn't swing across by himself so he held onto Rob to get across. Oh yeah, and we were supposed to all stand on that black mat together - if one fell off it we had to start over. Kind of tricky!

We had two groups, and raced on these wood boards - had to hold on to the ropes and all lift up the same foot at the same time... teamwork...

This one was two cables that formed a V, you held hands and walked down the cables getting farther and farther apart - you had to push against each other's hands to stay up. Annie and Quattro looked so cute doing this!!

Almost there!

"We did it!"

Me and Becca's attempt...

Yay for us!

Andrew and Rob - getting to the end!

Zip line time!

Ok I kind of can't believe I did this so it needed to be well documented. Sorry for all the pictures.
I kind of surprised myself by just climbing all the way up quickly - I was trying to go fast to not be scared.

Oh yeah, let me just walk across this beam all the way up high. No big deal. AH!

One word: PROOF

So proud of mommy! :)

Or you could go like Rob and JUMP off and then not even hold on! I sat down before I got off the platform and ended up bumping my bum on it - so not recommended... but a safer feeling way to go! :)

The last time I went on a zip line I was about 5 years old - I was the test dummy for my brother and his friend's zip line they made in the back yard... let's just say they hadn't quite worked out the "stop" part which they figured out as I slammed into the tree. ;) I survived. The ride at Heber Valley was fun but I'll say for the scariness factor once I finally got going and enjoying myself the ride ended much too quickly.

Wish I'd gotten more pictures of the family but it was a good time!

Am I a brother?

On the way home from Taba's house last night Robby asked me, "Mom, am I a brother now?" Wondering what he thought had changed from earlier today to make him a brother now I replied, "No, why?" And he said in a crying voice, "But I WANT to be a brother now."

I tried to explain, "You're not a brother now but you have cousins that you're like a brother to, and their you're friends. You'll be a brother when mommy has a baby. You'll be the baby's brother when we have one. Okay?" Robby wasn't satisfied: "I want to be a brother TODAY!"

I know, Robby. I want you to be a brother now too.

Tonight I was asking Robby what he was going to do to pay me back for the wave machine he broke (he just broke the stand off of it) so I said, "What are you going to do to help pay for it? Hmm??" He looks at me and says, "take a hower with you?" (shower) Um, no, honey, thank you for that generous offer but that's what YOU always want to do, not me! Then he said, "do some jobs for you?" Yeah, that's more like it. It was just hilarious though, Rob and I had to hold back the laughter. But yeah I can't really take a shower without him running in the bathroom and stripping down and hopping in! No privacy around here!

We have a blast driving in the car, singing along to our favorite songs... the other day we were listening to Justin Bieber's Baby song and Robby loves to sing along to, "when I was 13, I had my first hove." It's so cute! He loves to dance in the car and sing along!

The other day we were eating lunch and he was across the table from me - so, a whole 2 feet away from me - and he's like, "but I want to be near you!"
I said, "you are! You're right next to me!"
He said, "I always want to be near you."
Me: "You are!"
Robby: "No, not when we go to the gym!"
Me: "But you like going to the gym! You play with toys and have fun. It's good."
Robby: "Yeah, but not the part where I'm not next to you."

I sure do love that he loves being with me so much!!!

Wow, this kid just doesn't even know how adored he is and how lucky he is to have all of our attention and not have to share it with a sibling yet! So we'll all just look at the positives and enjoy the time with just Robby cause he is such an amazing little boy. We thank Heavenly Father for him every night!!!! And hope he'll get to be a brother soon.

False alarm

Ok everyone who has been worried about me driving across country with my mom can take a deep breath and relax because CHANGE OF PLANS!

My mom decided she didn't really want to leave when I did - I was trying to get there by the time Rob flies in so we can spend time with the Parsons first but she originally had planned to leave the second week of August and that was just going to be much better for her. So Robby and I will be flying out with Rob - still doing driving back and forth to Deep Creek when we're there and 2 long plane rides, on the way back without Rob, but NOT driving all the way across the country. I know this is going to be much easier on us and probably my mom too, I'm a little disappointed to not have our big adventure!

And I feel like I owe an apology to you guys who've been worried about me - especially AMANDA who we have been receiving awesome things in the mail from for our trip! Amanda, I'm sorry!!! But we'll still be having a lot of travel time so we can use all the stuff and Robby will LOVE IT but we won't be as desperate as you thought. Ah!

I have to admit, I'm a little relieved. But I spent HOURS researching games and activities for the car, making a huge list of all the stuff and snacks we'd have, going to stores looking for good little things to buy... so I feel super super prepared for the 4 1/2 hr flights back and forth and 3 hour car drives we'll be doing.

Thanks everyone for all the great ideas - they won't go unused! :)

Road trip - HELP!

Ok everyone, I posted this on FB and got lots of good suggestions but I'm still looking for more great ideas!

I'm going to be leaving in 2 weeks to drive from Utah to Maryland with my mom... and Robby. I love a good cross country road trip, but I've never done one with my kid! Ah! Robby is pretty good in the car and I think this will be a great adventure but I just want to be armed with as much as possible for this experience!

So for a 3 year old - best movies? Games on itouch? Other games or toys that are great for the car? That will distract him for like 5 hours??? Ahhh! Snacks that aren't too messy?

This is definitely going to be interesting! I'll let you know how we survive!!

*July 4th*

My parents drove from MD to UT and got here in time to celebrate the Fourth of July with all of us! It was a family-fun packed weekend...

Trunnell Family Gathering

Too bad the picture turned out all spotty... this is my amazing Gran! She had 17 kids! And has about 100 grandkids now...

Quattro so happy to be with his Babu... (my mom)

Annie and Gwen watching the talent show... I asked Robby if he wanted to go up and sing the fight song during the talent show and after a few minutes he said, "mom, come up on the stage and sing the fight song with me!" It turned into me and Rob basically singing it and him whispering it... oh well!

Can't believe I didn't get more pictures from that day...

FIREWORKS

Rob gave all the kids and I motorcycle rides while we waited for it to get dark...

Crazy cousins....

The Carters joined us just in time...

Thanks to the people next to us we had a nice little pre-show...

Robby thought he'd be scared of the fireworks but they weren't too loud! It was a good way to celebrate!

CAMPING

Annie is my little buddy. She kept wanting to sit on my lap...

Luke enjoying an apple...

Annie & Quattro helping me shuck corn... we had corn, hot dogs, pasta salad, and watermelon for dinner....

the kids LOVED playing with the fire... and look how dirty they got!

Robby loved staying up late...

Enjoying this chair... much more comfortable than sitting on the ground. And at one point I made us sing patriotic songs which was fun!

Breakfast... muffins, bananas, eggs...

Rob cookin the eggs...

And I surprisingly SLEPT some on this camping trip! Might've been the 15 inches of padding Rob brought with us for me, including a tempur-pedic mat... but it was quite the miracle! It was nice not feeling so grouchy and tired in the morning! Overall it was a great time! We'll definitely have to do it again...

And who would've thought throughout all these things I was having some of the roughest bad news days I've had in a long time! Grin and bear it... I do have a lot to be grateful for. We're grateful for the wonderful country we live in! Hope everyone had a great Independence Day!