I know I haven't been blogging as much lately... sometimes my heart and mind are just so full with deeper thoughts that it's difficult to not share so at the risk of constantly oversharing I think I've just not written anything... does that make sense? So here's just a few thoughts because my heart is overflowing and I need to get some things out...
I'm grateful for Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful time surrounded by family and good food.
I'm grateful for Christmas - and the chance to teach Robby about the true meaning of Christmas and in the process remind myself!
I can't NOT be grateful and happy with my life right now. I thank Heavenly Father EVERY DAY for the amazing little boy that I have and wonderful husband and just a great happy life. I can't even believe they are mine and we get to spend each day together! Obviously we are heartbroken and sad and want to have another baby and we pray for that every day... "Please bless for a baby... please bless for a baby brother and a baby sister... please bless that mommy's tummy will get big and pregnant..." It breaks but warms my heart to hear Robby's sweet pleas to our Father in Heaven.
Sometimes he'll come up to me after he sees me finish praying and ask, "Did Heavenly Father say we could have a baby?" Or if we are going to the temple he asks, "Are you going to get a baby there?" Or when I went to the hospital to be with Liv he asked, "Are you going to get a baby at the hop-is-it-tal?" He can't quite wrap his brain around it. But I know he has faith and he believes that one day he will have a brother or a sister and we do too.
It's just hard... the illusive "one day"... and "somehow".... you want to be doing all that's in your power to move things along and yet being restrained by money and not knowing what's going to work exactly is difficult and frustrating.
But I'm grateful that I know where to look for comfort and guidance and that I am still able to enjoy the NOW... the present... my hilarious son and darling husband. It's weird to feel such a mix of emotions on a daily basis. I know it's because of my faith and my hope that I'm able to fully enjoy each day as it is and I'm so grateful for that.
10 comments:
Oh! Your boy is so sweet. He's your little cheerleader :) Love you, Es!
I can understand what you're going through...although I have two, there is still heart ache when you want to have another and it's not going according to plan. I'm sorry you have to go through this but I am glad that everything else seems good for you! I love you cuz! :)
Lovely post, Es.
As always.
Thanks for that!!! Heavenly Father does hqave big plans for you! I just know it...but the hardest part is waiting...and I know that too. Big, big hugs!
Yay love that i now know you have a blog! you guys are the cutest little family! -Shayli
Esther,
I am going through the exact same struggle. It hurts so much. It is so difficult not knowing when it will happen again, but I know when I look at my healthy, happy, amazing little boy that I have been given so much. I too, am so grateful for my son and my husband. They make it so much easier to get through the hard stuff.
This post made me cry. You said exactly what I have been feeling lately. It's so heartbreaking, but at the same time, when we take the time to look around at what we have, we can feel Heavenly Father's love for us, and can find that thankful heart that we need to get us through it.
My heart is where your heart is. This post was very comforting to me, so thank you.
Love,
Susan
You have such a wonderful perspective and such an eloquent way of saying how you feel. There's so much sadness everywhere I look, and it's easy to just want to crumble and cry. Thanks for being so strong and reminding me to look at all of the joy around me, too.
Love that you are so willing to share. I felt the same way when Marie passed away, yes there's this big plan that Heavenly Father has and there are many things to be grateful for, yada yada, but life is also hard and I think its ok to acknowledge that!
Thanks for the update - it's been a while! We miss you and love you and keep you in our prayers.
He is so sweet and you can really tell his faith is strong.
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