So last week I had another blood test and my hcg level has finally come down! From over 2,000 all the way down to 32!!! So it looks like everything is going the right way and we'll do another blood test next week and it should be down to 0 then. This means that I was able to miscarry on my own and will avoid the d&c - which I was hoping to do.
Physically things are going much better - finally stopped bleeding, the cramps seemed like they stopped and maybe are now starting again but hopefully cause I'll get my period soon, and the only thing left are these dang headaches. They're just kind of off and on but they stink.... but it's not as constant and hopefully they'll go away for good soon.
I'm so grateful to be nearing the end of the physical process. I think one of the main things that will help me heal emotionally is being pregnant again so I really hope that happens again fast. There are still things that set me off and make me cry.... for the most part I think I am pretty open to talking about it and can talk about it without crying, but then random things just set me off.... it's just still hard adjusting to the reality of the future... that it doesn't include a baby in October anymore.... that our Christmas card will not be of a family of four.... that my belly isn't growing.... that by the end of May I won't know the gender of my next child....
Again, I'm grateful for my faith in God's plan for me because I have not felt bitter or felt like "why me?".... and I'm just so so so grateful for all the wonderful people around me who are helping me get through this.... thanks everyone for your support. It means SO much...
Wow...
11 years ago
8 comments:
Wonderful news, Esther! I'll keep you in my prayers. My mom had a horrible time conceiving, which is why my siblings and I are all spread out. But she considers each of us such miracle babies.
She birthed 4 kids and adopted my two older siblings so she ended up having 6 kids altogether. We aren't that close together, but I think we're still a neat family.
Your family will be wonderful, too, even if your kids aren't as close together as you'd like (what? 5 year gaps between kids isn't ideal?).
My older sister asked my mom why she didn't just go off birth control and have us closer together. My mom was like, "Ummmm...I never used birth control."
Doctors actually told my mom that she would never have children. It took two years for her to get pregnant with my brother (her first birth). She thought for sure that would be her only one. And then I was born 2.5 years later, which was an absolute miracle. And then my younger brother is 4 years younger than me. And my little sister is 5 years younger than him.
Anyway, I'm totally rambling. I just wanted to say that I'm sure you'll end up with a beautiful family.
I love you, Es!
When I say, "We aren't that close together" I mean in age...not in like, closeness.
Oh I am so glad that you are finally going to be able to start moving on since you will not have the current reality as a constant reminder. That is great news about the hcg, I got your text the other day and was driving and then totally spaced responding. So sorry! Congrats, way to be a strong little one who avoided the d&c.
SO glad those #s have come down!!! I know this has been tough for you, but you are one tough mama and you've done a great job at trying to stay positive and be a great mom to Robby. You are awesome!
That's great news Esther, thanks for sharing. Glad things are on the up-swing now. I randomly had a dream about you recently and in my dream i made you mad (can't remember the details) so p.s. I hope you're not mad at me in real life? Hahaha. Oh and I've been inspired by you and Robby to sign with Will, so I'm doing a little reading up and starting out slow. Hopefully I can keep it up like you did. -Katie
Glad to hear that things are getting better for you. I think you're doing a fantastic job at handling this miscarriage. Before you know it this will all seem like a bad dream while you're filling out your Christmas cards as a family of 4, 5 or even 6. I've always believed that the Lord will only give you trials you can handle. You're doing great Esther.
What great news!!!! I am so happy to hear that things are getting better and better.
Hey Es! I'm glad you're getting better physically! I've been meaning to write you for awhile now. I'll send you an email!
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