I feel almost silly putting another update on my blog about this but since it's not over I guess I still need to talk about it.
Last week we were able to compare my hcg levels from 2 different blood tests (5 days apart) and the numbers - which the goal is to get down to 2 or 0 - were still above 2000.... the first about 2200 and the second 2050.... the good thing is they were going down just not as much as I was hoping. My doctor is wonderful and does not freak about about anything - she said we'd just check it again in a week (so that will be this Wed or so) and if it isn't going down significantly then we'll do an ultrasound to see if there's tissue remaining in there and if so probably do a d&c at that point. While it was a great visit with my doctor I'm still frustrated at the continuation of cramps, spotting, and weird hormonal headaches.... I hope to avoid a d&c still but at the same time I want it all to be over and if my body is not going to cooperate I will be happy to have an alternative to help end this physical process.
So I should have more information towards the end of the week of how things are going.... but you do realize it's already been 18 days since I found out I was going to miscarry? And it is so difficult that I can't even say, "I HAD a miscarriage" because I'm still HAVING a miscarriage. It's hard to move on emotionally when I'm still having physical symptoms and know it's not complete yet....
*A positive - during my visit with Dr. Savage this week we discussed getting pregnant again and she said I just needed to wait till my first period and then we could resume trying. I'm so grateful to not need to wait! I've read many different things depending on how far along you are when you miscarry, if you've had a d&c or not, or what your dr's opinion is... So I'm just glad she isn't advising me to wait 3 months or something because that would be really hard... it took 9 months to get pregnant this time (7 months for Robby) and I just pray that it happens more quickly.... When trying to get pregnant with Robby (again, sorry if this is TMI, just maybe wait for the next post if it is...) it was kind of hard work in terms of knowing just when I ovulated and being so calculating... I was so grateful I'd been able to get pregnant without turning it into a science project! But I've already warned Rob that this time around I'm pulling out all the stops, breaking out my TCOYF book, and doing whatever old wives tale/random thing I can to help this process along!
I found out I was pregnant on my birthday. It was the best birthday present I could've asked for. I was so happy....
*Another positive - I am so blessed to have so many people who love and care about me and have helped watch Robby and bring us food and check in on me.... this experience has shown me how important it is to really take care of each other! Thank you everyone who has helped me with your acts of service, prayers, kind words....
It's hard trying to live my normal life having this unresolved physical/emotional huge experience still hanging open.... my heart still feels a little broken....
Wow...
12 years ago
16 comments:
I'm so sorry that your still having pain! I really hope that things will work out for you! I noticed you mentioned Dr. Savage...she's my doctor too! I love her! I'm praying for you! Love ya!
Thanks for the update. GLad to know what is going on. I'm sorry that this is so hard, and so long and drawn out. Just let us know if you need anything. Love you.
i'm so sorry to hear Esther, i had no idea till i read your comment. I have never personally had one yet, so I could never understand the physical pain of it-though everyone has mentioned that they were suprised of the pain. I do share a little understanding of the emotional pain and I am so sorry that you have to lose one, especially after it does take a while to get pregnant (it took us a year with Kennedy, Harrison was quick (we think Kennedy has something to do with that) and then Mckinley we tried for about half a year and then I stopped nursing and finally got pregnant). I will pray for you and hope that you will be able to be comforted, though realize that it is okay to feel pain at the same time, and your little one will always be special to you. Good luck with everything and hopefully you can at least not be reminded of it physically and that you won't have to wait as long to receive your next little angel! Love you guys!! Laura
Es, I'm so sorry this is just dragging out and making it even harder for you to work through things and move on. You know we love you so much, and we're happy to take your little man again ANY TIME!
so sorry you have to go through this esther. i know that you will be able to be such a blessing to other women who experience this, but i know that doesn't make it easier for you now. love you and i hope that you are feeling better-physically and emotionally-soon.
I am so sorry for the pain you're having to go through physically and emotionally, and what a challenge it must be to have to go through that for so long. Thanks for keeping us updated- We're always thinking of you and wondering how you're doing.
So sorry! Trying to get pregnant is so stressful! We tried for almost 6 months last year with nothing and finally I had to stop it was driving me crazy! Good luck with everything and I will be praying for you guys!
This stinks! It just being all drawn out & frustrating & all the pain. You've been in my prayers & don't hesitate to ask me to help whenever. I'm here for you!
I'm sorry this whole thing is dragging on for you. I bet it's hard to be okay with it when it's just not ending. I hope life gets better soon!
Aw, Es! That sounds awful. Your body is going through a whole lot! Thanks for sharing, though. I actually had a friend ask me what a miscarriage was like and I referred her to your words because...I haven't had the misfortune yet.
You're still in my thoughts! Stay strong!
i am so sorry to hear that things are still a little tough!! please let me know if you need anything. stay strong!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing what you are going through. Your words help me a lot :) Are prayers are with you!
I am so sorry that this is dragging on for you! I am glad that your doctor told you that you didn't have to wait. With one of the pregnancy's we lost I was going in for the HCG levels after a D&C and i was at about 20 and went in a few days later only to have them tell me that it was 250?! I argued with them and told them that couldn't possibly be right...well it was....I was pregnant again! It was the easiest time that we EVER had getting pregnant. Hopefully you have the same experience! Your body is in pregnancy mode right now and knows what it needs to do! Good luck! Love you!!!!
Hi Esther,
I'm so so sorry to hear the news...You and Rob will be in our prayers. I'm sure it's a super hard experience. My bro and his wife miscarried and it was super hard emotionally and physically. We'll be praying for you both.
Love,
Breanne
gosh, I am so sorry! no human should go through stuff like this! i dont feel like i can't write anything to make you feel better, but your in my prayers.
Esther, I had no idea about you even being pregnant! I've been kind of a slacker on keeping up with blogs. I also had no idea that miscargs. are so painful! That's definately not the addition you need to the emotional pain. I am glad to hear you have people with you! We'll think about you lots and keep you in our prayers. Good luck in trying again.
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